April172014

Win or lose?

So usually when my mil cooks she doesn’t cook enough for my hubby and I to partake of the meal. Sometimes It’s enough and sometimes not. I do notice though, that she always makes her youngest son (21 yrs old) eat first, and she eats, and everyone elae eats, then I am offered some for myself.

Today, however, she asked me-after she and her son ate, if I want her to dish sone out for me. I said no. She asked if I wasn’t hungry. I said I would take some later. I was starving but for some reason I prefer to wait until my husband gets home.

It is past dinner time. All I’ve had all day was crackers and cheese this am so I could take pain killers for my back, and then some oatmeal I was trying to feed to the baby but she didn’t want.

I tried drinking some jasmine green tea I’ve had in the cupboard for yrs but it tasted like perfume so I couldn’t finish it.

My back hurts. My stomach hurts. My neck hurts and my head hurts.

And I am still taking care of baby and toddler. And keeping their messes cleaned up. And I washed the dishes I didn’t use. Twice.

April162014

Weird… or no manners?

I don’t get my in laws. The way I grew up was that you say hello or at least acknowledge people when you see them the first time for the day, or if you or they leave the house and come back. When you walk into a room it is usually considered good manners to say hello or greet the people who are present.

Whenever they see me they pretend I am not there. I may as well be invisible. Everyday they come downstairs in the morning and don’t say good morning. Or they come in from work and don’t say good evening. Sometimes they don’t answer me when I do it. Like It’s much easier to just pretend they didn’t hear me talk.

I think they are just mean and rude. Behaving like I am just an object in the room that they would much rather throw out.

1AM

None of the pics are loading

And I am trying to be distracted from this feeling I have in my chest which was brought on when sleep took over my husband after I prissied and clipped and trimmed and shaved and donned a cute lil number in his favourite colour just for a few seconds of his attention.

Now I am annoyed that as a woman I go through so much bs to be desirable and feel sexy when as a man all they dobis anticipate what is coming to them. No shaving or preparation whatsoever.

Fucking stupid gender shit.

And yet here I am alone and awake while everyone else is fast asleep.

I feel sooo lonely and rejected. And I didn’t wash the dishes today so I know my mil is gonna be pissed at me tmrw. Sigh.

I did so much for just a couple minutes of affection and I never got it. I feel so stupid. And unwanted. And just stupid. And… well I know I am unattractive so that’s nothing new but…yeah. I am not used to rejection. He is usually on board with my efforts.

Oh well. I should get my fat ass to bed because it won’t matter how I feel tmrw. I still have 2 babies to care for and this house to clean and a mil to please with my diligence in cleaning.

I guess I just dont matter anymore. Sigh. Work work work and when I get ‘home’ It’s work work work again. I don’t even know myself anymore. This sucks.

April152014

Anonymous asked: You're picture show and answers were nice, but I didn't believe them. You're little sad husband had to run off from his own blog because he knows what I said is true. When you take your son and leave him, your pathetic husband will just and you will shine, because he is right about one thing. You are the better half.

mywildloves:

Alright anon. If I tell you that you win will you just go away? Cant you respect the fact that my family is going through something thats waaaaaay beyond your level of understanding and that not everything is as black and white as you think it is, and simply keep your opinions to yourself? its fine to have opinions about other people, but you dont have to go expressing them all the time.You even made a fake blog just so you could get around the fact that he turned anon off so you could torment him some more. Its really ridiculous now. This is beyond harassment. This is scary. You scare me.

Whats happening to my husband is something that he cant control. Its a trauma. I dont blame him for it and neither should you since you only know us from Tumblr for fucks sake. Ive known him for 14 years. It would put my mind at ease a whole lot to not have to have an anxiety attack every time I get an email that says that “Someone” asked a question. It would make it a lot easier for Jared to start healing and taking care of business if every other day he didnt have to dive nose deep in to the hell that put him here in the first place. You really have no idea what youre talking about and if you did, I can promise you that you would feel terrible for what youve done.

Please,  just stop sending us messages.

YOUR grammar sucks. YOU’RE obviously uneducated and stupid. Leave them alone. You’re welcome for your free English lesson.

3PM

Buahahah

I guess one could say I am paranoid, or that I don’t trust my husband. I say that I just try to prevent crappy things from happening, or try to deduce if anything is going on behind my back because he has lied to me before and also I cannot tolerate cheating.

I found a receipt to a restaurant with drinks and everything and I never went with him so I asked him about it and he sed it was for hos brothers birthday.

Later he called to ask me about it (of course he was all annoyed because he feels like he lives in a cage- so dramatic) and asked,”so what happen with the receipt now?” N I sed nothing. I just found it and was wondering how comes u went without me. Whatever…

He was all why are u bothering me then? Just throw it out….

I hung up n thought wowbhe actually called to address it…
Lol

11AM

Wish I could be a stay at home mom…

Or have a stay at home husband. Working fulltime doing night shift, messing up my back at work, breast feeding….then having yo be fulltime mom and take care of a house that isn’t mine….

My back hurts and my spirit needs some nurturing. I am so stressed out I keep snapping at my son. And when I do my accent usually goes all british or american depending on how hard I am trying to stay calm. My husband gets annoyed at me and says I am cobfusing our son so I should just talk normally.

Back pain plus 2 babies equals stress…

April142014

Grrrr

Feeling like I am the worst mother in the world because I turned away from baby for a few secs to tickle toddler and baby now has a HUGE hematoma/knot on her forehead. It’s blue and ugly and appeared within seconds of her hitting her head.

Things like this always happen with me. Never with their dad. I’ve brought them to er like 5 times cuz of bumps n bruises after I didn’t watch them carefully enough at some point.

I feel like shit.

April132014

Is it me?

Sometimes I wonder if I did something to aggravate the world so that people treat me like I’ve greatly offended them.

Namely my husband or the people I work with or for.

Hubby is being mean since yesterday. Just now I was playing in his hair and got annoyed and basically cussed me away from him. For some reason this makes me want to cry instead of punch him in the stomach.

Sometimes I just feel like if I go away everyone would be happier. But that makes no sense, seeing I am the main breadwinner for about 2 and a half families.

It sucks when you have to be responsible for so many people when you are only the parent of 2 and wife of 1.

This responsibility sometimes gets to me. I should be doing my own thing now. Owning my own house. Feeding my kids. Clothing them. Going on family vacations. Affording a great school and childcare…

9AM

Apprehensive…

I know as a woman I tend to overreact and worry excessively about things that are trivial…but as a nurse I know that a deviation from the norm means something’s up.

I am freaking out because my step daughter’s underwear has brownish tinged discharge from the vaginal area. She is only 4 yrs old. I don’t think that’s normal for a 4 yr old.

Help! Should I be taking her to the doctor or something?

April102014

The irony of life

So I hurt my back helping to lift a patient up in bed. It wasn’t even my patient. Everytime I bend down to interact with my 10 month old- who is now walking and falls a lot, my back hurts like hell. I just showered my 2 yr old off and even though I was stooping my back is now killing me again.

It’s ridiculous that in helping someone at work (and the patient was cussing us for trying to move her but she is not in her right mind so It’s ok) I have hurt myself so badly that I can’t take care of my own children comfortably.

The ironic part? They did my annual performance evaluation. They sed I dont help my team mates enough. I help all the time. I am great at putting in IVs so I do that all the time for those who aren’t. I am also good at the computer system so I help with that too. Not to mention translating to Spanish and also all the friggin customer service I do for these people when they have misunderstandings. What the fuck would management know about team work. They see problems all the time and don’t lift a finger to help.

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